Bamboo

If you’ve watched more than a handful of martial arts films in your lifetime, you’ve probably noticed certain themes continue to pop up again and again. Fortunately, you can use these martial arts movie cliches to help guide you through your daily routine. Here are 10 important life lessons that can be learned from watching martial arts films and how they can be used to your advantage.

1. In any major fight, expect to lose for the first several minutes before you ultimately prevail.

(Even Jackie Chan gets kicked into hot coals)

No matter how skilled you are, you’re going to take a beating. This ties in with the fact that your opponent is going to be bigger, stronger, and probably just a lot more bad ass than you are. The only way you’re going to be able to win is by rope-a-doping your way to victory after lulling them into a false sense of security. Your other option is to absorb a series of punches until you finally have an epiphany in which you recall the exact moment in your training that applies to this specific fight.

2. Your trainer will either die or be taken hostage.

If you’re serious about becoming a martial arts master (or a master of anything, for that matter), you’ll need someone to help train you. However, developing any sort of emotional attachment to this person is a huge mistake, because they will invariably be captured or killed and the bond you developed with them over the course of your training will only get in the way of accomplishing your goals.

3. Your opponent will either be more muscular or much cooler than you are. Ignore this.

(Yup, he's a bad-ass alright, but don't worry, you're the good guy)

Villains are cooler, and if you fancy yourself a hero than you need to get over the fact that you’re going to be a bit of a goober in comparison. Sure, you can be bad-ass and everything, but for it to be an impressive victory you’re going to need to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. This means your enemy will be bigger, tougher, and about 75 percent more hardcore than you are. Still, it’s nothing to lose sleep over; you’ll end up winning anyway, even if it defies all logic.

4. Your greatest foe will have either an ex-girlfriend or a woman he greatly desires. Have sex with her.

With so many beautiful women in the world, it would seem counter-intuitive to pick the one woman your enemy has his sites set on. But, don’t let this deter you from doing exactly that. Since your nemesis is almost certainly a jerk (otherwise, why would he be your nemesis?), use this to your advantage and strike up a conversation. Possible ice breakers include, “Your ex-boyfriend’s a real dick” and anything starting with “Drop the zero…” Once you’ve successfully wooed her, you’re obligated to cement your hero status by making sweet and passionate love.

5. If you have a cocky friend or sibling, don’t let them fight anyone. Ever.

(With that haircut he actually deserves the ass whipping)

Even if it seems like it’s going to be an even match, there’s a good chance any close friend you have is going to take a serious beating. They might be killed, or maybe just crippled, but either way they’re sure to take the worst of it from pretty much any foe they face. There’s a good chance that no matter how much you warn them they shouldn’t fight, they’ll choose to completely ignore you and just do what they want anyway. But, at least when they get their ass kicked you’ll have a clear conscience.

6. Some situations force you to show off your skills in different ways.

It would be nice to just lay down a brutal ass-kicking every time some lame-o dared to call your martial arts prowess into question. However, sometimes basic social skills dictate you find an alternate way to assert your superiority. Instead of beating someone senseless, you can showcase your lightening quick reflexes by snatching a coin from their hand before they can even make a fist or opting to break bricks, ice, or other random objects. Either way, you hardly need to fight in order to show you’re a total bad-ass.

7. High School is going to be rough, so you might as well start working on a mastery of martial arts.

(Or, at the very least, you can learn how to stand on one leg)

High School can be a brutal place for a kid, and for some reason bullying tactics like knocking books out of your hands and shoving you into lockers will elicit high fives from the entire student body. So, rather than stewing in silence and hoping for sympathy from your peers, the better option is to arm yourself with the knowledge you’ll need to even the score: martial arts. It won’t make you bigger, and maybe you could have found another way to solve your problems, but adding a couple kick-punch combos to your repertoire should stop those bullies dead in their tracks.

8. No matter how many opponents you might be facing at the same time, they will all wait patiently to attack you individually.

This is actually a convenient phenomenon that allows you to avoid panicking when faced with seemingly insurmountable odds. No matter how great your skills, you’re likely to be no match for hundreds of well-trained assailants. However, you can pretty much guarantee they will all stand by awkwardly waiting their own individual turn to attack you head on. One can only assume this is part of an unwritten henchman code, and defeating someone by swarming them from all sides would be a huge breach of ethics.

9. If gambling is involved, don’t be surprised when you’re asked to throw a fight.

(If the dude from Roger Rabbit asks you to throw a fight you'd best listen)

Fighting and gambling seem to go hand in hand. If you end up whisked into the seedy underbelly of the street frightening world, you can pretty much guarantee you’ll be blackmailed into throwing a fight. Tactics could include kidnapping a loved one, threatening you with death, or just bringing in a ringer who seems custom built to destroy you. Even if you’re ready for it, those greedy fight promoters will still find a way to bully you into doing their bidding.

10. Everything is better in montage form.

Whether you’re training hard or working your way through a series of bouts, there’s more excitement to be had from watching the highlights than from poring over every painful detail of what you’re up to. No one wants to see you doing twenty minutes of core strengthening followed by ten minutes of jump rope, but who wouldn’t want to see you doing two crunches and a couple double unders if it’s set to a jaunty and inspiring pop song? So, when you hit the gym, try to cram every possible activity into a super-intense crowd pleasing two minute workout.